Be Light (The Guardian Trilogy) Read online

  “What are you doing?” he said as he placed his keys in the bowl by the door.

  “Relaxing.” I patted the floor next to me. “Come. Lay down. Enjoy the view.”

  “Oh, I am.” I could hear the amusement in his voice, but he came over anyway. He rested his head next to mine.

  “Isn’t it pretty?”

  “Very.” I glanced over and he was looking at me.

  I nudged him with my foot. “Not me, the tree.”

  Holden looked up and took a deep breath. “Do you always do this?”

  “It’s peaceful.” I took his hand. “Do you miss having a family on holidays?”

  He was quiet for a long while, rubbing his thumb in soft circles over the back of my hand. “Your mom will be here tomorrow. We have to be careful for a while longer, but it won’t be like this forever. “

  I laughed. “You mean someday people won’t want to kill us? I can’t even imagine.” I snuggled closer to him. “But I wasn’t talking about me. I meant you.”

  Holden laughed. “Liv, I haven’t had a family in a long time. I don’t even remember what it was like to miss.” He pulled my hand up and kissed the back of it. “Besides I have you. You’re my family.”

  I wasn’t getting anywhere with him. “But if you could have more family, would you want it?”

  He swiveled his head and his face went carefully blank. “Have you adopted something?”

  I pulled my hand away and rolled out from under the tree, standing up. “This is all hypothetical.”

  He sat up. “Why are you asking about hypothetical families?”

  I shook my head. “Never mind.” I went toward the kitchen. “What do you want for dinner?”

  Holden followed me into the kitchen. “Liv, are you saying you want a family?” He looked bemused. “We both died to be what we are. It isn’t possible…”

  Crap. Now he thought I wanted a baby. “No, I’m not saying I want children.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “We have each other and my mother and our friends. I have a full life. I’m not looking for anything else.”

  “Why are we talking about this then?”

  I threw my hands up in the air. “We’re not. It was stupid. Let’s just make dinner.” I pulled two steaks out of the refrigerator. “Steak?”

  “Um, sure.” He stared at me as I prepared dinner. He was trying to figure out what I was thinking, but I still wasn’t ready to give up.

  I cleared my throat. “What did you do today?”

  “You mean after you kicked me out?”

  “Yeah.” I made a face at him.

  “Hmph. What did you and Baker do?”

  “Had a torrid affair.” I rolled my eyes and gestured around the apartment. “We decorated.”

  “And what did he get for you?”

  I bit my lip. “Your Christmas gift. Your turn.”

  He walked around the counter and slipped his arms around my waist. “I went shopping.”

  Shopping? Well, would wonders never cease? “Like in stores with people. Are you feeling okay?”

  “It’s Christmas.”

  I leaned back and kissed his cheek. “You don’t need to get me anything.”

  A laugh started low in his chest. “What makes you think it’s for you?”

  “My mistake.” I couldn’t help but smiling at the sound of his laugh, deep, rasping, and so under-used. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

  “The moment I met you.” He kissed my temple.

  — —

  I held Liv in my arms until her breathing evened and slowed. I slid from bed and walked into the living room. I stared at the packages under the tree. I really didn’t like surprises. I glanced back at the bedroom door before I pulled out the one with my name on it. The shiny red paper gleamed in the sparse light of the tree. I just wanted to be prepared for whatever she got me. I slid my finger beneath the tape, coaxing it up. I slid the plain white box out and removed the lid. Unfolding the tissue paper inside, I found a shirt, a, olive green button up shirt in the same style as all my other shirts, just a different color. I looked at the tag, even the same brand. Huh.

  I carefully folded everything just as it had been. I smiled a little as I stood back up. Apparently, I was as hard to buy for as she was. I would pick her up a pair of jeans tomorrow, gift problem solved. I took a step toward the bedroom and paused. Why did she need Baker to get me a shirt? I knelt down again and looked through all the presents. No, just one for me. I leaned back. Liv lied.

  I got up and stood in the bedroom door, staring at her angelic face and the steady rise and fall of her chest. Why would she lie? Was she in trouble and didn’t want to ruin the stupid holiday? She should know better than that? Our strange conversation about families came back to me. Had something happened to her mother and she sent Baker to handle it. Again, why would she cut me out? Her eyes fluttered and she reached out a hand to my spot on the bed. A moment later, she sat up with wide eyes.

  “What happened?” she said, her eyes falling on me as if she knew where I was.

  I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t move closer. “What makes you think something happened?”

  Her shoulders shuddered. “I can feel the agitation. Holden, what’s wrong.”

  Shit. I had gotten lazy where she was concerned. “Just thinking about our conversation earlier.”

  She stilled. “And?”

  “You’re right. It would be nice to have a family. I had forgotten how the season can be.” I said it only because it was the only thing I could think of to explain away the agitation and I wanted to see if she would explain whatever was happening.

  She got out of bed and came over, wrapping her arms around my waist, resting her cheek against my bare chest. I brushed my fingers over her hair. My heart squeezed, pushing away my completely justified mistrust. “What if you could have one?” she whispered.

  I tilted her face up toward mine. “I can’t. There’s no reason think about it.”

  Sadness and something else fluttered across her face then was gone. She nodded.

  “What are you hiding, Liv? What did Baker really get?”

  She looked back so innocent. I couldn’t believe when she said, “Your present.”

  “Mmm, yes. I forgot.” Still lying, I couldn’t believe it. This was so unlike Olivia. Whatever was the issue, it had to be big.

  “Holden?” Her hand brushed my cheek.

  “I don’t think we should have everyone over here tomorrow.”

  Her face fell as fast as her hand did. Disappointment filled her eyes. “Why?”

  I clenched my jaw. “It’s too dangerous. Especially having your mother here. Anyone could be watching the building. It isn’t a secret where we live.”

  She pulled away and narrowed her eyes. “Live is the operable word, Holden. I understand you want to protect me, but I won’t be a prisoner here. I want a big Christmas with friends and family.”

  “No.”

  “But mom will be here—”

  “No,” I said firmly and she glared. “We’ll figure something else out.”

  “Damn it, Holden.” She stomped her foot.

  “You are my primary concern, and I am going to protect you, even if it makes you mad.”

  She threw her arms up in the air and flopped into bed. Bunching the covers around her, she rolled on to her side facing away from my spot. I couldn’t believe she gave in that easily.

  “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I’m not going to fight with you over this,” she grumbled.

  Well, maybe Christmas was good for something.

  — —

  The next morning I was not filled with Christmas cheer. I couldn’t believe Holden was ruining my plans. He could have had this panic attack ages ago when I first started planning and would have had time to find a neutral location. Did he do it on purpose? He hadn’t wanted this from the start, I knew that, but I thought he would come around. What on earth set him off?

  He woke up before me, if he even came
back to bed last night, because his spot was cool to the touch. Just as well. I quickly dressed having decided I couldn’t hang out with him today and keep to my no fighting rule. As I emerged from the bathroom, he was standing in the doorway of the bedroom with a cup of coffee.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Going to work,” I said slipping my foot into my tennis shoe and tying it.

  “You said you were taking the week off.” His face was blank which made me all the more angry.

  “That was when I was going to have a fun Christmas.” I sounded petulant which made me cringe. I transported away before he could respond.

  I appeared in the main room at the guardian complex. People were milling around the room, but no one greeted me. Most of them looked at me out of the side of their eye and scattered away. I tried not to let my irritation with Holden carry over. Don’t be scary. Christmas and really any holiday wasn’t taken off by guardians. It was our busy time of year. I took off because I could and really wanted this. I only had so many Christmases left with my mom until there wouldn’t be anymore. I wasn’t about to miss another one. I could feel tears prickling in my eyes. I shook my head. I was being selfish. No one here was crying over ruined plans. Maybe I was naïve to have made them in the first place.

  “I thought you were taking off?” Quintus’ deep, warm voice came from behind me.

  I clenched my jaw and fought to smile. “I changed my mind.”

  “Would this have to do with Holden cancelling your party?”

  Gah! Seriously, that man was impossible. “He already called you?”

  Quintus gave me a sympathetic, dimpled smile. “I hate to take his side—”

  “Then don’t,” I snapped. “Let’s not talk about this any further.” I straightened my shoulders. “What’s on the docket for today?”

  Quintus clamped his hand down on my shoulder. “You going home and talking to Holden.”

  “You can’t—”

  “Your head isn’t in this today, but more importantly your heart isn’t. Go home and fix whatever is broken.”

  “You know I’m your boss now, right?”

  He laughed. “Firefly, go home.”

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I ignored it. I recalled the address Baker gave me yesterday. No matter how annoyed I was with Holden, I still intended to give him his gift. Holden was getting a family for Christmas and he would damn well like it.

  — —

  “Hey, boss, where’s the little lady. Why’d you cancel tonight’s shindig.”

  “Sit.” I told Baker, pointing to the couch. He shrugged and did it. “What did you get for Olivia?”

  He smile fell from his face and in a rare moment of seriousness, he leaned forward. “What did she tell you?”

  “No time for games. I don’t care what she told you, if she is in trouble and you don’t tell me, I will kill you.”

  “No trouble, I swear it.” He shook his head.

  “What did you get?” I demanded.

  “Your Christmas present.” I had never seen Baker so serious. “I take it she hasn’t given it to you yet?”

  I rolled my eyes. “A shirt. She sent you to get me a shirt? Do you honestly think I will believe that?”

  His eyebrows pulled together. “No, not a shirt.”

  “That’s what is wrapped under the tree.” I pointed to the offending package.

  Baker stood up. “Talk to Olivia.” He started for the door.

  “You swear there is no trouble brewing.”

  He turned back around. “Hell, boss, there is always trouble brewing, but I swear Olivia’s gift to you isn’t meant to be trouble. Have a little faith in her.”

  I closed my eyes. “So I started a fight for no reason.”

  “Sounds like it.”

  “Shit, Baker. How am I going to make it up to her?”

  “Well, first you better uncancel her party. Second, stop being a pain in the ass. Third, get her a damn good Christmas gift or you will feel like a heel.” Baker looked at the tree. “How do you know what she has wrapped for you?”

  I glared at him.

  He laughed. “You peeked. Never would’ve pegged you as a peeker.”

  I ran a hand through my hair. “Any idea what I should get her.”

  He shook his head. “Make it from the heart. That’s where hers is from.” Of course, that’s where hers was from; everything Liv did was from the heart. “Do you need my help with anything?”

  “Will you call everyone and let them know the party is back on, but don’t tell Liv if you see her.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Find her a present.” I went around him toward the door. “Thank you, Baker.”

  The bitter cold wind that bit into my skin was nothing compared to the sinking feeling I had about the stupid gift. From the heart. What did that even mean? Was I supposed to make something? I thought about Liv and what she liked and what she wanted. I walked around our neighborhood, hands stuffed into my coat pockets, considering what would be from the heart.

  Warm light poured through the windows of a store that the last time I noticed it there had been paper over the windows. As I walked past the little shop, I looked in. It was a gallery now. On the off chance, they might have something she would like I went in. The smell of fresh paint laced with wallboard dust permeated the air. There was a sparse mixture of wall art, paintings, photography, and a small collection of sculptures spread around the area. A thin, balding man came up to me.

  “Hello, I’m Brett Bellingham the owner.” He shook my hand. “May I help you with something?”

  I was about to dismiss him when I had an idea. Maybe Brett could help me with something.

  ——

  Maggie was pretty, but I didn’t see any of Holden in her. She had small, delicate features. Wide set large brown eyes, a thin, straight nose, and dimples when she laughed. Her honey brown hair was cut just above her shoulders. I followed her all day, keeping my light bright so she couldn’t see me, looking for anything in her actions and interactions that reminded me of him. She worked at a bank and busily buzzed around all day. I glanced at my watch, it was nearly 5:00 p.m. Holden would worry if I didn’t come back soon. I needed to talk to her. On her way, home she stopped at the grocery store. She loaded the cart with frozen meals and wine.

  I went into the next aisle over and pulled in the light that kept me from being seen by the humans. I got my own cart and pushed toward the canned soup row, where I had left her. I nudged her cart with mine, pretending I couldn’t get by.

  “Oh excuse me.” I feigned innocence. “I’m sorry.”

  She smiled at me. “No worries.” She moved the cart closer to the shelves.

  “I love your scarf.” I smiled at her and her eyes warmed.

  “Have we met?”

  I chuckled. “No. I just have one of those faces. Olivia.” I held out my hand to her.

  “Maggie.” She shook my hand.

  I glanced toward her cart. “That isn’t a very exciting Christmas dinner. Aren’t you going home for the holidays?”

  Her eyes darkened slightly and there it was. What I had been looking for all day, something to resemble Holden. Her eyes took on a cold, blank expression. “I don’t have any family.”

  I looked down. “I didn’t mean to pry. I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head and the smile was back. “I’m sorry. It really isn’t an issue until this time of year and this year is worse. I just moved here a couple months ago. I hardly know anyone.”

  “This might seem strange, but I am having a small Christmas party tonight with some friends and family. You are welcome to come.” Holden may have cancelled my party, but I called everyone back and let them know his mistake while I was watching Maggie today.

  “Oh, I would love to, but I couldn’t impose.”

  “Nonsense.” I wrote down my cell phone number for her. “If you change your mind, here is my number. No pressure. Or if you just want someone t
o have lunch with sometime.” I smiled again. “I have to go, but I hope to see you around.”

  I didn’t want to nudge her. It needed to be her decision to come. Plus I hadn’t really worked out the logistics of everything. She would be able to see at least half of the guests, but the others, were questionable. Plus, I still didn’t know how Holden would feel about it.

  When I got home, Holden wasn’t there. I steeled myself for the fight when he found out the party was back on. I called my mom, who was at a hotel because it wasn’t safe here for her. I didn’t like it, but at least she was here.

  “Hey, mom.”

  “Olivia, dear, I don’t think I will ever get used to hearing your voice when I pick up the phone again. I can’t decide if all of this is a wonderful hallucination or the time you were gone was a terrible nightmare.”

  Mom took the news of my new position, and her consequently undead daughter, fairly well. In fact, she was doing great now. She didn’t know much about the Abyss, but it was better and safer for everyone that way. However, she knew enough to accept I was back and not a ghost. “How was the drive up?”

  “Fine, fine. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Me either, mom. Tonight.”

  “And other... things like you and Holden will be there. Oh dear, is things the appropriate word.”

  “Nothing like Holden will be there, but some like me.” I laughed. “I think you will like everyone. Just keep an open mind. Don’t stare.”

  “Oh my, are they odd looking?”

  I laughed again. “You’ll see.”

  “I have another call, Olivia. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Bye, mom.” My eyes filled with tears. For so long I thought, I would never be able to talk to her again. “Get yourself together, Liv,” I muttered as I went to the bathroom to shower.