Choices Read online

  “You’ve been telling me that for three hundred years, Quintus. Just once, I’d love for you to say, ‘Yes, that’s the right thing to do,’ or ‘No, of course not, what were you thinking?’”

  I smiled at her. She was an excellent student. She didn’t exactly excel in any one discipline and still doubted her instincts, but she never caused me any trouble. Ruth was exactly what a guardian should be: eager, faithful, kind, happy, and accepting. “If I tell you what to do, you’ll never learn to make the hard decisions for yourself. They’re your assignments to guide. I cannot know them as you know them. Your instincts are the best suited for them, which is why you were assigned to them.”

  “I know, I know—but the intervention I inspired his family to have didn’t work. Neither did the support group I nudged him into joining or the affirmations I whispered in his ear at night. Can you think of anything else? What if I can’t make a difference in Peter’s life?”

  “The high school teacher?”

  She nodded.

  “Don’t give up on him. The slightest altering of his path can save him, just find the right one. His life touches many. It’s imperative you succeed. Maybe try to get him into a rehabilitation facility.”

  Her steady brown eyes studied my face as she tugged on her lip. Then she rolled her shoulders back and straightened. “I’ll do my best. Thanks, Quintus. Oh, by the way, have you seen Jeremiah?”

  “Not for a week or so. Why, do you need him?”

  “No, we were supposed to have coffee yesterday.”

  I shook my head. “Haven’t laid eyes on him lately, but if I do, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him.”

  “Great, thanks again.” Ruth dissolved into light leaving me with a rare peaceful moment.

  Over three years passed, and Olivia still wasn’t back. I didn’t know if she was ever returning. No one else had taken this long to be reborn. With each passing day the chances of her emergence became less and less, and I couldn’t shake the feeling I had done something incorrect. Actually, it was hard to think of anything I might have done right where Olivia was concerned. The way she perceived the world, the way she chose to understand it was different than other people. You couldn’t tell her anything, she had to come to terms with it in her own way, yet there seemed to be nothing she couldn’t eventually accept. I swore to myself I would do better if she just came back. So far, Olivia Martin had done nothing I expected of her. A familiar tug at my navel brought me back to the reality—back to work. The elders wanted to see me.

  There was a high council of four elders who established our laws and made all necessary communication with the angels and a low council of seven elders who ran all earthly guardian affairs. Elders were born into their positions, chosen by God to lead our race. I didn’t know what distinguished high elders from low elders, perhaps it was their abilities or lineage. The elders were human once, as we all were, then upon their death took the role as management. They had a variety of talents lesser guardians didn’t possess. Some were capable of receiving heavenly messages—making them the prophets—and they all could summons any guardian anywhere in the world. It was even rumored they could travel through time.

  Usually when I was summoned I ended up in a room filled with a blinding light and their booming voices sent down directives that were never to be questioned. This time I was brought to a small space filled with books stacked floor to ceiling along every wall. No door or window in sight—just books and a small writing desk littered with old curling paper and quills. I looked around, not exactly sure what to make of my surroundings. The call felt like the elders, but—

  “Quintus, I presume.” A deep, authoritative voice bounced off the walls making it sound like the speaker was everywhere. Sitting at the writing desk not three feet from me a slight man with eyes I had seen before, a curious blue green with a ring of gold, appeared.

  “Yes.”

  “I am your elder, Ezra.” He extended a hand, his eyes dissecting me. “You watched Olivia Martin before she was sent to us?”

  My mouth fell open. Ezra was on the high council; they never met with regular guardians like me. He must’ve known what happened with Olivia, and I could only imagine where this line of questioning was going and in person too. My stomach twisted and I fought the urge to confess everything. “Yes, I did.”

  “Why you? Why not assign an underling to do so? Surely, you had more important matters to attend.”

  I had no choice, but to be honest. “She was unique. She saw me.”

  Erza nodded his head without an ounce of surprise. “She was also in grave danger.”

  “I was not immediately aware of that.”

  He nodded again. “She would not talk about her final weeks on earth. I assume she suffered much?”

  “Yes. A demon was sent to prevent her change.”

  Ezra blinked, but made no comment. “After much deliberation Olivia has made her decision. She will be joining you. Are you aware of her destiny as elder?"

  “I am.”

  “I would like you to personally take care of her training—and safety. I don’t know how Hell found out what she was before she changed, but I am very interested in seeing her progress. She is unique—unexpected even. We must keep her focused and on target with our mission. Our world has become increasingly dangerous—she is proof of that—so discuss her with no one besides for me. She needs to know none of this, Quintus. We have the opportunity to help Olivia understand our goals. She can be a great asset to our race so long as she is part of the team. I need her to be a company man. Do you understand?”

  A barrage of questions hit me. How was she unexpected? How much did he know about what happened before she changed? But elders’ orders were never questioned, only obeyed. I was glad Olivia was coming back, but I had my doubts whether or not she would tow the company line. I thought of a way out of taking this new assignment. “I’m honored, but can I train an elder? I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

  “Olivia does not need to be trained as an elder. She does not need to know of those powers until the high council deems it so. We have decided she should be trained first as a guardian; she will be advanced in time. You already have a relationship; it will be an easier transition. She trusts you.”

  “I’ll try my best.”

  Ezra smiled. “I have the distinct impression Olivia will be a challenge.”

  “I had a similar notion.”

  “Good, you see her as she is. The less you tell her of her future position, the better. Let her believe she is just like the rest of you. Report her progress and any problems or strange behavior directly to me.”

  I didn’t really know how to respond to this request. What exactly did they expect from her and me?

  Ezra looked off to the side as if listening to something I couldn’t hear. “It's time now, good luck, Quintus.” He placed his finger tips on my forehead.

  I opened my eyes in a forest. In any direction, I was surrounded by old gnarled trees. At my feet lay Olivia, as lovely as she was before, with mahogany hair cascading around her in soft waves, pale skin that glowed with the light of the moon, and not a stitch of clothing to her name. She opened those deep pools of swirling blue and green with a tinge of yellow and looked up at me solemnly. Then her mouth twitched into a frown and she shut her eyes again, pulling her eyebrows together.

  Her voice was hoarse and sounded like she’d hoped for someone else. “Quintus.”

  “I’ve been waiting for you.”

  She shifted away from me still frowning, but nodded. “I’m back.”

  “I’m glad you are.”

  She stood up and brushed dirt and leaves off of her body, unconcerned by its current state of undress. “Everything looks different.” She gazed around, reaching out to touch the air and make patterns with her own light like a sparkler. I watched her childlike wonderment and felt the same sensation growing in me. I was used to seeing the world through the film of the Abyss, so it was easy to forget how lovely it
was. Olivia studied her surroundings as if they were part of a strange and glorious painting. The beauty suddenly washed over me, and I experienced the world with new eyes.

  “Tell me what you see.” I wanted to prolong the experience for as long as possible.

  “Everything looks—different. Brighter, more alive. My hand leaves a trail of light. You look like you’re inside a light bulb. Look at that tree—amazing.”

  The tree in question was a large oak with twisted branches that looked black against the setting sun. The leaves glowed with the fiery colors of fall like they were lit with an eternal flame.

  “It’s very nice,” I agreed.

  “No, look at it.”

  I looked at the tree again, still not understanding what she wanted me to see.

  “It’s alive. Can’t you see it, the ancient life radiating from its branches? It’s practically buzzing with energy.”

  I looked closer, failing to see what she was talking about. It was a beautiful tree, but I couldn’t see its life force. Was this part of her elder ability? Or were her senses overly stressed from coming back? I smiled reassuringly, not committing to an opinion one way or another. Olivia continued inspecting the woods, darting from one place to the next like a firefly, looking at everything that caught her eyes.

  She gasped as she crouched next to a bush. “What are these?”

  I joined her and peered into the shrub. “Wood nymphs.”

  “Wood nymphs?”

  “Faeries,” I whispered, “but they don’t like to be called that.”

  “They’re real?”

  “Of course. They reside in the Abyss.”

  “The Abyss?”

  “Yes—what you’re seeing, the space between the other side and the human world. As a human you resided firmly on earth, you saw the physical world in black and white. A tree was a tree, green only had so many variations in the color, and life forces were invisible. Here there are an infinite variety of colors, textures, smells, and sensations. You see through guardian eyes now, which are open to the Abyss.” I paused letting her take in what I said. She nodded after a moment. “Wood nymphs, for example, live in the Abyss. Occasionally a human catches a glance of something from this world and it becomes a mythical creature in the stories they tell. Our existence is not shared with mankind.”

  “Are they friendly?”

  “The nymphs? Yes, quite. They don’t much care about us though. It’s easier to get them to speak with you if you have something to bribe them with. “

  “How strange.”

  “You have much to learn, firefly.”

  Olivia blinked, but didn’t comment on the nickname. Her eyes glazed over for a moment, and she pressed her lips together, the wonderment gone from her face. “So why are you here?”

  The sudden switch in mood caught me off guard. “I’ve been assigned to mentor you, since we have a relationship.”

  She laughed without humor and paced away, shaking her head and muttering to herself. Finally, she shook off whatever was bothering her and looked back. “So teach me.”

  I smiled, trying to understand what just happened. “In time.”

  Olivia sighed loudly. “What do we do now?”

  “First, I believe you need clothing,” I said.

  “I forgot to pack a suitcase.” Her cheeks colored in sudden awareness.

  “I can help.” I touched her shoulder, and she tensed. My light engulfed her while I envisioned her in a dress. When I pulled back she looked ethereal in a white gauzy gown with a golden sash wrapped just above her waist. She could have been straight out of Botticelli’s imagination.

  Olivia looked down at herself, then back to me. “This is how you choose to dress me?” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared. “In the forest? Really?”

  I grinned despite her foul mood. I hardly knew her, but I think I had missed her.

  Three

  I don't know what I expected—certainly not the pain that tore through me when I opened my eyes. Feeling Holden immediately saturate my mind nearly shattered me and made me want to scream—or go back. I struggled and finally managed to shove him into a closet deep in my subconscious, where hopefully he’d stay until he disappeared forever—forgotten which was still better than he deserved.

  Why did I agree to this?

  Better yet, why didn't my heart understand what my brain so clearly explained? Holden didn't want us. He ... No, I wouldn’t let myself do that. I would not think about Holden. He was dead to me. It was the only way it could be, the only way I could do this.

  Quintus was waiting for me, all dimples and kindness—the traitorous bastard. Where was he when I needed him? Why didn’t he save me? The accusations running through my mind fell aside, as I noticed how weird things were.

  Everything looked different making me sad that my camera would never be able to capture what I now saw—not that I had a camera anymore. Lights and colors shimmered through the air and the trees, like I was inside a snow globe that someone was relentlessly shaking. How had I not seen all of this around me? It was incredible.

  The more Quintus spoke, the more I realized I had a lot to learn and plenty to distract me from the person I wasn't thinking about. I was also not thinking about the fact that I’d been running around the forest stark naked giving Quintus quite a show until he made a crack about what we needed to do first.

  I didn’t think it could get worse until Quintus made some god awful dress appear on me.

  "So what now? Do we walk?" I squished my bare toes into the soft leaves beneath my feet. All I wanted was to not think about the past. The past was where he was and where I was angry at Quintus. I could only look forward now, because hindsight offered no solace, no future.

  "Do you know where we are?"

  "I assumed you knew. I mean you came here. I just appeared." I frowned at him.

  "I was sent the same as you."

  "So we're lost? Great! What kind of operation is this?"

  "Guardians are never lost." Quintus flashed me his ridiculously deep dimples, but I felt no appreciation for them. There was only one smile I wanted to see—

  Needing to keep moving, I trudged through the woods in the direction I was facing. I heard Quintus walking behind me. How could he come to get me without a better plan than this? How did I get stuck with the person who’d abandoned me to a demon? My afterlife sucked.

  "Where exactly are you going?" he asked after a few minutes.

  "East." I picked up pace as the memories became more demanding.

  After another few yards, he asked, “Why east?”

  I shrugged. "It’s as good of a direction as any—feels right. Which way would you prefer?"

  "East is fine."

  I pushed through the forest, Quintus trailing behind silently. The stillness made the memories float too close to the surface, so I went faster. Branches tugged at my dress, and the past stabbed my heart. By the time I broke free from the trees, my walk verged on a run.

  “What are you doing?” Quintus studied me like I was a specimen, and I didn’t like it.

  “Escaping,” I mumbled.

  “What?”

  “Trying to find a road.”

  “What will you do once you find a road?”

  “I don’t know, Quintus. Honestly, I would’ve thought being a guardian and all, you’d have had a plan for how to get me to wherever it is I need to be. I’m not exactly impressed with your people’s preparedness.”

  “Our people. And exactly where do you need to be?” He quirked a questioning eyebrow.

  “Well, I—uh…” I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I was more concerned with keeping myself busy, not with what I was doing or where I was going. “Surely there’s something we need to do. We aren’t going to hang out in the woods all night, are we?” I crossed my fingers and toes that the answer would be no. I couldn’t imagine sitting around with only trees and Quintus to keep me company.

  “Your first lesson, Firefly: Rushing is for huma
ns, not us. We have all the time in the world, so you should use it. How can you guide someone if you’re too busy rushing from this place to that to think about their problem. You are eternal now. You need to train yourself to slow down and see the world around you. Follow the action through the reactions so you know the best path.”

  “How does that help us get back to civilization?”

  “Had you not raced off, had you asked me, I would have told you how guardians travel.”

  I looked at him and tried to keep my patience and focus, while combating images of Holden pointing a gun at me. “Okay. How do you travel?”

  “We travel by light.”

  His finger pulling the trigger, cold resolve in his eyes. Death in the form of the man I loved stood before me. I wanted to shut my eyes, but I blinked until Holden faded away and Quintus came back. My throat burned from the tears I wouldn’t cry.

  Quintus’s words barely registered. “Light?”

  “Yes. It allows us to move from one location to another in a breath.”

  “Show me.” I took his hand, hoping this was the distraction I needed as the scene in my head started to replay.

  Quintus’s warm whiskey colored eyes met mine and reflected the beam of the moon—or maybe it was my own glow reflected. “This will feel strange.”

  Everything around me disappeared into an intense light.

  Four

  Philip Pemberton come on down, you’re the next contestant on Sorry I Destroyed Your Life.

  Damn it all to hell, I felt bad for old Phil. He made his deal with the demon and was well on his way to avenging his family and becoming cursed to this cruel and Godforsaken existence. All because of yours truly. What did she ever see in me?

  I walked away from the warehouse where I’d taken Phil to meet his destiny. All hope was gone for him now. I glanced at my watch, not even 11:00 p.m.—the night was just getting started. What else could I do this fine evening? Anything that could possibly squash this surge of humanity, I was up for trying.

  It hit me like a tidal wave. One moment I was walking down the street, planning on having a little fun and the next moment I was nearly knocked over by a crushing light that washed over my mind and blinded me to anything in front of me. I staggered, fought to gain some sort of control, then I heard her voice. She said my name—I tried to reply, but she was gone as quickly as she came. It was like I’d been struck by lightning. Her voice rang in my ears.